I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
