I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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