She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
