I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
