I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
