I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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