i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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