and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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