Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
