Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
love makes seman taste better
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
