I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I love having hate sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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