It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
