I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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