gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
