he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
