the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can I color on your dick again?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize