i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
