Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
