He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry my hands just texted you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
