We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
