i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
