I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
