i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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