You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
