there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
