This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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