He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize