fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
