Already got asked if we're dating
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
