Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
