She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
