so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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