just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
