Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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