look no pants
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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