someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize