Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
