I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize