I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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