it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
