we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
