you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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