i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
