There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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