Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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