if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
