i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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