shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
