i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
