Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
