your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
