I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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