His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
