yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
