I accidentally had phone sex last night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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