i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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