There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
