He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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