So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
