I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
