I accidentally had phone sex last night
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
