You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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