smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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