Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
