If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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