bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
