You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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